Vennu Mallesh >> Wish U Enjoy New Year

Happy New Year!  If I set the chronotron on my time machine correctly, this post should be arriving on New Year's Day, 2018.  Here's a track from Vennu Mallesh, and he wants to Wish U Enjoy New Year.  Please do the needful.

Play Track

Crudbump >> Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas

A bonus song, aren't you lucky? Like an extra Christmas present from a relative you don't see very often and had given up hope of actually getting a gift from, but then they turn up unexpectedly, and you haven't got them anything but they got you something. Now you just feel awkward.

Play track

Jingle Cats >> Meowy Christmas

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

Play album

M.I.K.3 >> Gun Life

I'm not sure if this is rap or hip hop, but it doesn't really matter how you classify it because either way it's still awful.  I assume the album art was created by taking a photo of the reaction by the first person who was forced to listen to this album.

Play album

Three Beat Slide >> Skip Skip Slide

I'll let these Reddit reviews speak for themselves:

"Some say that that saxophone solo at 1:15 is the closest thing there is to hell for any living being." - Connaugh

"That's, wow, I mean, just, wow. I don't even know what to say." - netmier

Play Track

Preteens >> In Style

Covering such essential modern topics such as fidget spinners, hoverboards, getting a girl's digits, and meeting girls online, this album is surely to become a modern classic of this century.  Right?

Play Album

D4NNY - Goodbye

Is this song some kind of suicide note?  If so, is it bad that by the end of the song I really wanted him to do it?  Goodbye, D4NNY.

Play Track

But wait, there's more! More tracks, that is. Check them out.

Corey Feldman >> Former Child Actor

Corey has released several horrific albums, but I picked this one for the blog because of the title.  He doesn't want you to forget he's a former child actor. Almost like he's defining his entire identity around that fact. Star of this album is a butchering of John Lennon's "Imagine".  Awful.

Play Album

Barbie Doll >> I'm A Doll

How many words can you think that rhyme with 'doll'?  Alison Richardson, stage name Barbie Doll, uses most of them in this song.  She was described as "the Rebecca Black of Oklahoma" by thelostogle.com, a fitting description I feel.

Play Track

David Moore >> Fireworks Display Music

This would be the most disappointing musical accompaniment to a fireworks display, ever.  Cheesy synth renditions of classical works such as "Ride of the Valkyries" and "Swan Lake".  Includes 10, 20 and 30 minute mixes!

Play Album

Altune Durant >> I Do Love You

Surprise! A second album from last week's featured artist, Outoftune Durant.  I feel bad for 'DJ Shawt' (pronouned 'DJ Shorty') who has his music ruined by this woman's vocals.

Play Album

Altune Durant >> Beautiful & Sexy

Altune Durant?  More like Outoftune Durant!

Play Album

Wilbur Sargunaraj >> Wilbur Sargunaraj

Wilbur Sargunaraj presents his debut album, "Wilbur Sargunaraj", with music and lyrics by Wilbur Sargunaraj.  Starring Wilbur Sargunaraj as himself, produced by Wilbur Sargunaraj, directed by Wilbur Sargunaraj.  A Wilbur Sargunaraj production.

Play Album

Thanks to submitter Wilbur Sargu-... no not really.

T Baby >> It's So Cold In The D

Apparently it's cold in the D.  Not sure what the D is, exactly, but if you plan on travelling to the D yourself, I would advise you wear warm clothing.  Best YouTube comment goes to Joel, with "She was so off beat, that she managed to get back ON beat."

Play Track

Dhincak Pooja >> Selfie Maine Lali Aaj

22,910,246.  As I write this, that's how many views the video for this song has had on YouTube.  By the time you read it, it will probably be over 23 million.  I can only assume it's being used by a government agency in some sort of psychological torture, played on repeat.

Play Track

Don't forget to check out her other releases, they're just as bad.

Palmer Stanfield >> Conversations We Don't Want To Have

"Could that conversation be.... about his awful rap lyrics?" - Nizzore

"Dude has the rhythm of Michael J Fox fucking a paint mixer on public transportation." - Fiagro

"This is outstandingly bad. This makes me sad." - bonnieprincekillme

Play album

Princess Vitarah >> Too Much Talent

Too much talent, claims Princess Vitarah.  I somehow doubt her royal lineage, but she's already set herself up as a liar by claiming she has talent (let alone too much of it).  Definitely not safe for work. Or home. Or travelling.

Play album

Don't forget to check out her other releases, too!

Jean-Pierre Sauser >> Amour et rock'n'roll

The stars and stripes! An eagle! A big truck! This album must be some sort of patriotic American tribute, right? Wrong. It's a French guy. Bamboozled again!

Play album

Amazingly, the title translates to "love and midi music". Thanks to submitter Marc, who apologises to you all.

The Fat Cowboy - Do Dat Diddly Ding Dang

Good news! If you love this song and want to sing along, there's a karaoke version also available on Spotify.

Play album

Do dat diddly ding dang is Ned Flanders' favourite song.

Mr Zip >> Where Me Keys, Where Me Phone?

They say the best songs are ones where you can really relate to the lyrics. Many songs have been written about love, sex, death, and cheap fish from the market, but this catchy tune tackles perhaps the most tricky subject of all: not knowing where your keys and phone are.

Play album

£1 Fish Man >> One Pound Fish

This singing superstar was "discovered" at his market stall, selling his wares by using his vocal talents and singing about his cheap fish.  His voice isn't actually that bad, but it earns its place on this blog because of the lyrics, and the DJ remixes on this release.

Play album

This actually reached number 28 in the UK Singles Chart, number 4 in the UK Dance Chart, and number 1 in the UK Asian Chart.

IceJJFish >> On the Floor

I have my suspicions this one is intentionally awful, but on the off-chance that it's genuine, I include it here for your enjoyment.  Check out his other releases too; "Get Lost" and "My Bae".

Play album

Thanks to submitter Sarah for this one.

Ivy Blue >> Every Glass Memory

This submission to the blog came with a follow-up email regretting their submission because they found out the singer has autism, and felt bad their inclusion. Well, in the interest of equal opportunities, I'm including it anyway. Bad singing is bad singing, after all.

Play album

Sorry Jac, it was just too good bad to not post it!

Diamanda Galás >> Schrei x

How did you sleep last night?  I hope it was good, because after listening to this you might not sleep again for a while.  This is a horrid collection of noise from what I can only assume is someone possessed by evil spirits.  Enjoy.

Play album

Thanks to submitter Dominic, who claims this is "cracking stuff". His words, not mine.

Roobie Breastnut >> Porn Flush

Roobie Breastnut's first album, "Porn Flush," set the stage for her musical career of combining 90s-era dance sounds with low-grade talk-singing about boobs, balls, and butts. You'd think that a musical career with songs such as "Scrotum Sack", "Fuck Me Fuck Me", and "Ooh Baby Naked Dance" would be impeccable, but, you wouldn’t really think that, actually. Nope.

Play album

Via theworstthingsforsale.com